Coming to America

My friend Mike is going to America soon. It’s been a while since I have been, but since Mike is such an Australian I thought I would try to remember some tips to soften the culture shock.

1. Look both ways before crossing the road. They drive on the wrong side, but you are more vulnerable to death as a pedestrian. It happens.
2. Generally, you don't call other people "mate", or "Bruce". It will seam rude.
3. US$$ is worth a little more. But food is cheaper, so yeah. Supersize!
4. The 5c coins (nickels) are bigger than the 10c coins (dimes). Be fluent in knowing this.
5. Don’t be scared to look a person in the eye. Just give a big fake smile. Fake is OK in the USA.
6. A 25c coin is called a quarter. Four of them make a dollar, which is really "neat".
7. When driving, the horn is not an emergency device. It is a regular driving aid. (You can use the word "regular" a lot. I’m not sure why.)
8. Even when tired or pissed off, maintain standardised American curtesy. This often means saying "your welcome" in response to everything. Eg. "Oh, you want to steal my car!? Your welcome".
9. When you are driving, at an intersection you may turn right at any time, even if the light is red. But give way. (Most states, I think?)
10. In the bathroom you will find a plunger…
11. You are supposed to tip people working in the service industry. Use your calculator to find the correct percentage? Nah.
12. If you wear a seatbelt, you are either on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or Ned Flanders or Australian. But I would recommend it because the air bag can break your nose.
13. Be familiar with general geographical terms. The mid-west is not halfway down the West Coast. But you are not from Tanzania either, so be fair.
14. Joy riding a cop car is fun but can be dangerous. They often leave the engine running. Pull the steering wheel down till it clicks in a vertical position, pull the right lever down to "D", and hit the gas. Too easy.

These are mostly car related. More on relationships soon.