The Wedded Life

Many different couples come to me for counseling and ask: "Jonny, how is it that we can keep our love for each other strong, our relationship a fresh, and a life together that is long?" Actually not many say it quite like that. (Refer to my mind reading post). To be perfectly honest, no one asks me at all. In fact I am told I wouldn't know the first thing about marriage. But this often comes from people who seam to think the secret is in positions. But I imagine courtesy and affections during the day would go a long way to smoothing things over in the evening. (I'm talking about sex, as we do so frankly in this age.)

I have some quotes here from the first chapter of "Home Making" by JR Miller. But it takes for granted that couples should actualy get married, not just live together, and aim to live according to Gods plan as can be read in the Bible.

"...and when the wedded life is ruled by love. Then the bridal wreath remains fresh and fragrant till it is laid upon the coffin by the loving hands of the one who survives to close the eyes of the other..."

Remember there are different definitions of love, in our modern english. People worry about this but no one is perfect, meaning everyone is ill mated to some degree. Once married, the priciples are the same.

"It may be discovered after the marriage has been formed that the parties are ill mated... yet the Scriptures are very explicit in their teachings, that the tie once formed is indissoluble."

The weirdest thing to me, is hearing from couples that are already living together being shy of marriage. As if they would latter find they were ill mated after marriage. The mind boggles, such a misunderstanding I don't know where to start.

"...it is but the simplest commonplace to say that the greatest care should be taken before marriage to make sure that the union will be a true one, that the two lives will sweetly blend together, and that each will be able to make the other at least measurable happy. If there were more wise and honest forethought with regard to marriage, there would be less afterthought of regret and repenting."

If you are already living with someone, forget the above paragraph. Get married, make it work.

About marriage, for those that do it without telling Mum, in LasVegas: "It is surely worth while, therefore, to make the occasion itself just as delightful as possible, to gather about it and into it whatever will help to make it memorable, so that it shall stand out bright and sacred among all life’s days and hours. This is not done when the marriage is secret; there are no associations about the event in that case to make its memory a source of pleasure in after years."

Some romantic language: "Angels hover about the marriage altar and hush their songs while hands are clasped and holy vows are plighted, and then spread their sheltering wings over the happy pair as they start out together on the voyage of life."

Some real advice: "The first lesson to be learned and practiced is loving patience."

This one is more important than we think these days. It will come up in several self-help books: "Another secret of happiness in married life is courtesy. ...[why do] so many husbands and wives drop the charming little amenities and refinements of manner toward each other that so invariably the delightfully characterized their intercourse before marriage?"

For those wives that have no interest in motorsport, or never come to the back shed when asked: "No marriage is complete which does not unite and blend the wedded lives at every point. This can be secured only by making every interest common to both. Let both hearts throb with the same joy and share each pang of sorrow."

The above picture shows what two hearts throbbing with, err, joy looks like. And they are about to share a pang of sorrow. Or prang at least.

"Another rule for wedded life is to watch against every small beginning of misunderstanding or alienation... Has a hasty word been spoken? Instantly recall it and ask for forgiveness. Is there a misunderstanding? No matter whose the fault may be, do not allow it to remain one hour."

"Surely too much is involved, too great responsibility, too many and too precious interests, to venture upon wedded life without Christ."